Thursday, July 24, 2014

Why I can't buy Lumber at Lowe's

There's a perfectly good reason I can't get lumber at Lowe's anymore and it's not just because Home Depot's wood is cheaper and straighter right now or that Cantwell Brothers in Smithfield (Utah) has the best quality lumber and is cheaper still IF I can get there before they close at 5:30 pm (not questioning your work ethic here or anything,  Cantwell Brothers, but it does kind of feel like you're throwing in the towel a tad early).

I can't go to Lowe's lumber department anymore because of an incident my brother Grant, my Dad, and I had while buying some wood there. I at least need to wait til I'm sure we won't be recognized if we do ever go back and I'm not certain what that amount of time might be. I do have a theory though.

here's what happened:

Several weeks ago we were climbing up the shelves at Lowe's to get the boards  we needed because the customer service is non existent at that place.
Well, once we started climbing up to the higher reaches of the shelves (they have these giant metal shelves that are probably 40 ft high and house literally tons and tons of lumber. Very sturdy and great for climbimg), "service" people showed up, not to help so much, but to tell us we couldn't climb up the shelves. We told them we had to because we needed the wood that was up there and none of us were 10 feet+ tall. They reiterated that we couldn't then, almost as an afterthought, they asked if we needed some wood from up on the shelves, but in a shitty, I'm-in-charge-because-I'm-the-afternoon-lumber-manager-around-here-on-Tuesdays-and-Thursdays sort of way.
We told them we did. They said OK, they would help us, but made sure we knew they were being inconvenienced by having to tell us not to climb on the shelves, then having to get the wood we had been climbing up the shelves to get, which meant they now had to go get their forklift and little gate thing to close off the aisle, and to go finish making out with each other (or whatever it was they were doing before they decided to come out and play Lowe's Police of Shelf Climbing).
Once they left, we climbed back up and got the rest of the boards we needed, got in line to check out and sat there and watched as they brought their fork lift, rolling gate thing, and some road flares (Jk on the road flares) out and finally got the boards down (taking their own sweet time too, I might add), then looked over at us expectantly, waiting for us to come over I suppose. At that point I decided to mention to the cashier she could tell them we already got the boards we needed and we didn't need them to get them down anymore, but to let them know we had enjoyed watching how they did it because we were wondering if it would be different from how we did it (it was).
That could be perceived as kind of a dick move on our part, I concede that, but as we walked out Grant threw them a friendly wave and I smiled and gave them an enthusiastic two thumbs so they'd know how much we appreciated them.
Unfortunately they did not appear to feel appreciated at the time, like, at all and since I wear only 2 different shirts I'm easy to remember.
My shirts are as memorable as they are beautiful.
And that's why I can't go to Lowe's to get wood anymore.

It would be awkward.

If those guys were there again  it would be.
The awkward risk is too high right now. It's just not worth it in my opinion.

#awkwardrisk #high

How long does a person usually work there?
I'm guessing like 6 months or probably the rest of their lives. One of those two though, right? Seems unlikely there would be anything in between.
Does anybody know?

Friday, January 24, 2014

Did Somebody Lose a Boat? There's A Giant Boat Just Floating Around Outside.

Ha ha.
This kills me. There is a ship worth 1.1 million dollars just out there floating around and people are like "not my problem."
How does that happen?
I'd live on something like that (sans rat infestation) forever.

I want to live in a world where I can cut loose 1.1 million dollars because I'm just done with it.  You know, because It's become kind of a pain in the neck and, whatever--
It's not like I don't have tons of other 1.1 million dollar boats, right?

I'm starting to think there might be an economic gap between people/bears like myself and people who apparently have a lot of big boats.

I can't believe there's only one guy looking for this thing.

Why isn't everybody who doesn't have 1.1 million dollars looking for it?
Is it because some guy said it might have cannibal rats on it?
Are most people really scared of cannibal rats?
Wait- how BIG are cannibal rats? Are they, like, tiger big?
...Bear big?
Holy shit. Are there rats as big as bears in this boat???
What if it was the cannibal rats who cut the tow line? Oh man. That's freaky.

Now I think I get it.

Look, I'm kind of afraid of giant cannibal bear rats, ok?
My dad was killed by those I think.
Or maybe it was hunters. Mom was a little fuzzy with the details when I asked her if I had a dad. You know how moms are.

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